ineke.co.uk

I am just become aware of this information about new lollies available from Iceland and feel it is my duty to share it. pic.twitter.com/OowSguzDc0

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 19, 2020

Today we discharged our first patients from the Nightingale. They’ve received fantastic care from a huge and dedicated team, and we wish them all the best for their continued recovery #OneTeam #ThankYouNHS #NHSheroes pic.twitter.com/blXGTchsVU

— NHS Nightingale London (@NightingaleLDN) April 19, 2020

Greg Wallace, aggressively pushing out farts in various poses, whilst maintaining eye contact. pic.twitter.com/39UI5XnieT

— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) April 19, 2020

I hadn't expected Tesco to proceed to the "eat the rich" stage of pandemic crisis quite this soon. pic.twitter.com/MxW4sDY0MX

— Tim Packer (@tspacker) April 20, 2020

Sorry, what… pic.twitter.com/xMxW1UOZ29

— Dr James K Puchowski (@kvisleis) April 19, 2020

To entertain myself during furlough I'm imagining all the ways furlough could be pronounced in English (last 3 are my faves):

Like though, furlough
Like bough, furloww
Like through, furlooo
Like thought, furlorr
Like cough, furloff
Like enough, furluff
Like hiccough, furlupp

— Phoebe Hill (@DrPhoebeHill) April 20, 2020

If you invite me to a zoom call, and then afterwards I realise it could have been a quick email, I WILL call your supervisor.

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) April 21, 2020

I'm encouraged by and supportive of all the NHS fundraising going on at the moment in response to the pandemic, but I think it's important that we are careful that the NHS doesn't slip in our minds toward being a charity, rather than a publicly funded national service.

— Patrick J L Davies (@RevPatrickD) April 21, 2020

#WorkingFromHomeChallenge: Folder Of Secrets

Pick a folder everyone opens
Add a new one in it called “Folder of Secrets”
Add 30 layers of folders within called "Don't Open" and "Forbidden" etc
In the final one save a doc that says “What a waste of time”

They'll find it one day.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) April 22, 2020

Looking at my fridge right now, the answer might be cheese. Could we be entering The Cheese Age? https://t.co/goErMNPxsQ

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) April 22, 2020

A message from Tom: "I have very kindly been offered lots of lovely items, such as walkers, chairs and other items. I have everything I need, so instead of giving to me, perhaps you could donate these generous offers to a local care home. Thank you”

— Captain Sir Tom Moore (@captaintommoore) April 22, 2020

Missing your IKEA meatball fix? We’ve created a recipe for you to recreate this delicious dish in the comfort of your own home #IKEAmeatballs pic.twitter.com/d89lRsJxH7

— IKEA UK (@IKEAUK) April 20, 2020

You think you're having a bad week? My poor colleague has just been in to do her weekly check of the library building. The cleaner has stared deep cleaning the space (so far, so good) and has cleaned the shelves but has put 18.5 bays of books back on IN SIZE ORDER.

— Krystal Vittles (@KrystalVittles) April 23, 2020

Life hack: If social media posts regularly make you angry or grumpy, look at something else every now and then. Good alternative things to look at include: dogs, trees, paintings, water and pizza

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 24, 2020

The sun is up
The sky its blue
Please don't use dettol as some sort of bananas cure for anything that is a nonsense idea

— Dave (@davechannel) April 24, 2020

Replace “owned” with “served” https://t.co/GtUrUSYdEy

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) April 24, 2020

People have too many clothes on in bed. Someone's phone rings at 4am in a movie, they leap out of bed and it turns out they've more or less slept in a suit. They also never go the toilet before running off to the emergency. https://t.co/3c4auJsT8p

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) April 24, 2020

I can’t believe I have to say this, but please don’t drink bleach.

— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) April 24, 2020

Exclusive look at the Mar-a-Lago drinks menu. pic.twitter.com/MahqQUi5Ad

— The Poke (@ThePoke) April 24, 2020

Rearranging books is a very soothing lockdown activity 🌈 pic.twitter.com/6bDjeCJIPa

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) April 21, 2020

Happy #Caturday pic.twitter.com/edH06Zyls7

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) April 25, 2020

“No no, you keep in the middle of the path, it makes more sense that I fold myself into this hedge”

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 25, 2020

Turned on BBC1, caught the end of Big Night In. Ending with a song by Andrew Lloyd Webber (£6m tax avoidance scheme) and Gary Barlow (£20m tax avoidance scheme) to encourage the public to donate to charities or order to fill a *mysterious void* in the public purse. 🙃

— Michael Marshall @marsh@mastodon.world (@MrMMarsh) April 23, 2020

NEVER INGEST BLEACH
NEVER INHALE BLEACH
ALWAYS USE BLEACH SAFELY WHEN DISINFECTING

Always follow On Pack instructions.

— Domestos (@DomestosUK) April 24, 2020

People like Trump is the reason they have to put ‘do not eat’ on sachets of silica gel.

— Jonathan Pie (@JonathanPieNews) April 24, 2020

I still think Matt Hancock has tried his very best. He may be shown to have muffed it up – or he may be a very good actor – but he’s the only one who seems to really feel the weight of the crisis. It’s a low bar but I’m still comforted by the thought that he’s not a sociopath.

— James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) April 24, 2020